My problem is that some of my friends think something is wrong with me. I’m a 16 year old guy and I have friends that are both girls and guys. I like hanging out with both. I really enjoy going to the mall with the girls and just hanging out. I like some of the same movies they like and I don’t have a problem with it, but my guy friends do. They say I must either be gay or want to get in the girls pants. I’m just friends with them I don’t want to date them and I’m not gay. How can I get them off my back and still be able to hang with the girls sometimes?
– Girly Boy
Dear Girly Boy,
Here’s the thing: you may never get them off your back. So, it’s all up to you. If you enjoy hanging with the girls then be confident about it. There is nothing wrong with having the same interests as your girl friends. There would be nothing wrong with you wanting to date one or you being gay, but you know that is not the case. When the guys start to talk, just stand up to them. Tell them that you enjoy hanging with them, that’s it. Tell them to get over it and if they can’t you may have to find new guy friends that respect you. Once you stand up for yourself they will probably give it up and stop teasing you.
Today I sat in front of the mirror while I got ready and it was one of those days. I didn’t love what I saw. I started complaining about how stupid my hair looked. I became self-conscious about a pimple on my forehead. I started looking at every flaw on my body and freaking out for no reason.
How do you feel after you pick yourself apart like that?
I always feel weird. It puts me in a bad mood and ruins my confidence for the day.
Those feelings you get when you focus on your flaws SUCK!
I know that I don’t want to feel that way. I understand that those feelings don’t just go away, but they aren’t meant to stay either.
I tried something weird today. Every time I said something negative about myself, I said something that I like about myself. I know it sounds kinda ridiculous but it helped turn my mood around. I even named the pimple on my forehead Pepe’. He had a feisty personality and a French accent. Every time I thought about it I would just laugh and not worry so much.
You are going to have bad days. You are not going to love the way you look every single day. If you are feeling weird about the way you look, you can’t ignore those feelings. It is ok to acknowledge the way you are feeling. But don’t let those mean thoughts win.
Those flaws, those weird feelings, are not who you are. For every negative thing you say to yourself, replace it with a positive thing or something that will make you smile instead of stress.
Remind yourself that there is more to you than the way you are feeling in this moment.
If you aren’t sure what positive things to say, here are some of the things I have used and you should try:
I am strong
I am beautiful
I am confident
I am brave
Or you could always just name your pimples and strike up a conversation….don’t judge me.
- ttfn G -
I’ve been so busy with school and work lately that I have stopped washing my face at night. I know it’s bad to leave all my makeup on, but I’m so tired. I go to school all day then to my job only to come home to homework. I’m starting to see this neglect on my face. Any tips to help me out, because I’m still probably not going to wash it at night.
It’s important to understand that not only are you washing off your makeup, but also all the dirt and oils you have collected over the day. I understand you are busy so here’s my tip. Buy some makeup remover wipes, and keep them by your bed. On those busy nights, you can at least wipe off your makeup and the days dirt right before you go to sleep. They are inexpensive and can be found at most grocery stores. Your face will thank you.
Do you ever have trouble saying no?
Do you ever have trouble hearing no?
Here are my 2 secrets that give YOU power over hearing and saying the word no.
Hearing the word no:
Will you go out with me? No
Will you go to the dance with me? No
Let’s have sex? No
Hearing the word no can feel like the end of the world.
You might think that if they said NO they must hate you.
You start questioning what you did wrong.
Your life is over!
Little Secret #1: Your life is not over
It doesn’t mean you did anything wrong just because you heard the word no. The person saying no just meant no. They don’t want to do whatever it is you were asking. They have a right to say no and it is perfectly fine. Your life is not ending. You will move on and survive hearing the word no.
Saying the word no:
No, I can’t hang out today.
No, I’m not ready to take it to the next level.
No, I’m not going to the party with you.
Saying the word no can be intimidating.
Maybe they will judge you or not like you.
Maybe you should just say yes.
You’re the bad guy.
Little Secret #2: You are not the bad guy
If you’re busy with other things, it’s ok to say no. If you don’t want to do what someone is asking it’s ok to say no. Saying no does not make you the bad guy. You are not saying you don’t like them. You’re not trying to be mean. No simply means no.
The word no is used to set boundaries because saying yes to everything is impossible.
There is no way you can say yes to everyone and everything. There’s not enough time in a life to do everything other people ask of you. Sometimes you have to say no, unless you want to forget about sleeping for the next 60 years.
Setting limits in relationships, like saying no to drugs and peer pressure. Deciding how far you will go with a boyfriend or girlfriend.
Whether you are hearing or saying, the word no remember the 2 secrets.
1. Your life will not be over when someone says no to you.
2. You can confidently say the word no and not be the bad guy.
- NBL V -
My mom wants me to quit football. She heard that high school football coaches can be super tough and the players get hurt. Since then she has been on me to leave the team, especially since my friend broke his finger during a game. I’m trying not to get pissed off, but I’m not quitting. Why did she let me sign up in the first place? I can’t let my team down, plus my coach is not like that. How do I get her to let me stay on the team?
– Football Forever
Dear Football Forever,
Don’t get angry. Instead, calm down and figure out a solution. Talk to your mom and hear her out; let her explain what’s making her nervous. Really listen to her and then ask her to listen to you. Talk to her about your coach; maybe even suggest she talk to your coach. One point you might want to bring up is that she originally let you sign up and you don’t want to break the commitment you have made. Tell her you understand her concerns and that if you start to feel the coach being too tough, you will definitely talk to her.
Show her that you are being responsible and thinking through your decisions.
Good luck and let us know how it turns out.
I saw this frustrating sign (the one in the picture) the other day and it made me angry. Okay, yes, it’s a nice sign, and I know it is meant to be inspiring but as teens we hear things like “someday” a lot. And if we aren’t hearing “someday” we are hearing something like, “when you grow up”.
Adults like to use those words and phrases to encourage us, but sometimes it can do the opposite. What happens when those words get in our heads?
We start telling ourselves that we will be important “someday”.
We tell ourselves that we can have influence and change the world “someday”.
We focus so hard on who we will be and what we will do when we “grow up” that we forget to figure out who we are TODAY.
But when is someday? Is it a year from now? 5 years from now? When we are “adults”?
When will someday get here?
I don’t buy it.
I don’t think you will change the world SOME day. I don’t think you will be important SOME day. I don’t think you have to wait to “grow up” to chase your dreams and be amazing.
You ARE amazing TODAY.
This is what I believe, I believe you are changing the world RIGHT NOW because you are in it. You are important RIGHT NOW. You are amazing RIGHT NOW. Be who you are, change the world, be amazing TODAY because who wants to wait around for “someday”.
When will someday get here? It is already here.
- ttfn G -
My friend said I’m ditching her for my boyfriend what should I do?
Give her a chance to explain why she feels that way. She’s probably just missing you. Plan a day to hang out and have fun. Remember it’s ok to talk about your boyfriend when you’re with her, but just don’t let that be the only thing you talk about. It’s normal to not have as much time to hang out. She just doesn’t want to be forgotten. Reassure her that she will always be your friend no matter what.
If you can’t pick a pizza, how will you be able to make decisions about sex?
Kind of a weird question, but my mom is kind of weird. She also makes good points. So, I have to share this nugget with you.
Before I start the story, I have to warn you, my mother LOVES to use random example s to explain life and give advice, and this time is no different. So, here it goes.
One day we were standing in the grocery store and I was in charge of picking out a frozen pizza for an easy dinner. I stood in the pizza isle just staring for way too long because for some ridiculous reason I could not make up my mind.
Finally, my mom walks up to me, stares me down and says “If you can’t pick a pizza, how will you be able to make decisions about sex, drugs, or life for that matter?”
Really? Did she seriously just connect pepperoni and black olives to sex? Yep.
And do I really want to talk about sex in the middle of the frozen isle? Nope.
The connection seems ridiculous but it’s actually a really good point. Stay with me. Trust me, no story is ever quick with my mother.
I suffer from severe indecisiveness. It’s a problem. I would rather let someone else decide things for me, or better yet, just never have to make decisions. But there are some decisions in life that you have to make and they will NOT always be easy.
There are times when you have to be in control and be confident enough to make good choices for yourself even when they are difficult decisions.
Saying yes or no to something like sex is a serious decision. You need to choose what is right for your body, for the person you are with, and most importantly yourself.
Handling peer pressure is a choice. Letting someone else makes decisions about your body, about drugs, about drinking, or anything else is never the right thing to do.
Something like choosing a college is another difficult but important decision. With a ton of possibilities out there, you need to be able to consider options, but ultimately listen to yourself and make a choice.
Picking out a frozen pizza? Not such a serious decision. But if you can’t be confident in the small things like pizza toppings, you will be completely lost when it comes to things that really matter or affect you.
Guess what guys! I picked out a pizza all by myself! Sometimes I amaze myself.
So make those small decisions now!
You will learn to trust your voice and be confident when it comes to decisions that are more important… like sex, drugs, and frozen pizza.
On a side note, she kept singing “Let’s Talk About Sex” the whole time we finished shopping.
Check the song out here: http://youtu.be/ydrtF45-y-g
- ttfn G -
I’m pretty sure I’m going to fail Geometry. We haven’t been in school that long and I already suck at it. What the hell am I going to do, I’m freaking out?
– Triangle Fail
Dear Triangle Fail,
This semester just started so you have time to figure it out so stop panicking. It may take some time and hard work.
Go talk to your teacher to see if she or he can help.
If you know someone who is great at this, ask him or her to help you.
Hire a tutor. Talk to your school counselor; most schools have lists of tutors.
Buy the Geometry for dummies book.
Look it up. There are so many tutorials online. You can find exactly what you’re having troubles with. There are so many YouTube videos just waiting to help you. Try Geometry made easy. Keep trying until you find ones you like.
You can try one or all of these suggestions. You will get it. Good luck! I believe in you!
Do you put up walls, or wear a mask to hide the real you?
Have you pretended to be something someone else wants to make life “easier,” or to be liked?
Do you ever feel like it is easier to be fake than to be you?
Are you being real?
I have to be honest with you, I act my way through too much of my life. I don’t even try, but like a safety vest, my mask inflates and I’m reacting appropriately before I can make a genuine mistake. It’s sometimes easier to unconsciously fake my way through moments than it is to remove the safety of being what everyone needs. It takes a conscious effort to remember to leave the safety vest off and actually be real. But once it’s off, the magic happens and it’s completely worth it.
It’s time to be real! Remove the safety vest and be authentically yourself. I challenge myself to be real.
I challenge you to be real.
Let’s do this.
That comment section below is getting pretty lonely.
- ttfn G -