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Wow, we finally did it! We are still learning and adjusting some things, but we made the move. We are so happy and excited about all the support we have gotten so far. Thank you, everyone! We could not have done it without you all.
Here is our first “Dear Hope” question. As you can see it’s a little different. We will still be answering questions every Sunday, we just changed things a bit. Same people, same great advice, new look!
This will be the last full question on this site. You can always check us out at thehopegirls.com
There’s this boy I have been hanging out with for a few weeks. My friends didn’t know because I was waiting until we were actually going out.
Well, they just found out and they said they understood why I didn’t tell them. It’s because he’s ugly and I was embarrassed. They said he’s nice but looks wise I could do much better.
I was really upset by what they said because I like him and I think he’s super cute.
Why would they say that?
My friends have always supported me so why are they acting this way now. What should I do? I’m mad at them.
Wow! Of course you were upset. Your friends were being rude.
Our first reaction was to say ditch those friends. But we believe in second chances. They’re your good friends and they have always been supportive. They just had a moment of temporary mean girl syndrome. We’ve decided to give them another try and we think you should too.
We don’t know why they said what they said.
They could be secretly jealous.
They might feel left out or worried that you will spend too much time with him.
Or maybe they just don’t think he’s cute and were being rudely honest.
It actually doesn’t matter why. You have to let that go and stop thinking about it.
What happens next is up to you. If you like this guy, be confident about it. What you like is not what they like. Who cares! That does not and should not matter.
You should also have a conversation with your friends. Make it clear that you are not okay with them talking like that. Whether they think he is cute or not doesn’t matter. He is your boyfriend, you like him, and you think he is super cute. End of story!
Let them know you have always appreciated their support and honesty, but back off when it comes to your boyfriend’s looks.
GOOD friends are definitely worth trying to keep. But, if they continue to be “mean girls” it might be time to move on. They never have to think your boyfriend is cute or even like him, but they do need to treat you with respect.
Gabriella Says: When I started dating a new guy a few years ago, my friend got super jealous. Instead of talking to me about it, she would say mean things about him and told me I was ruining our friendship. Our friendship had not changed, but she definitely did. I wanted (and tried) to work it out with her, but in the end, I realized it was better (even though it still hurt) to walk away.
Thanks for this question! It is always hard when you feel torn between your friends and a relationship. Good luck! We hope you can work things out with your friend!
Once again, we are not doing a Dear Hope question this week. We are still working hard on those changes.
We felt this quote was so accurate. We have no idea if things will get better with the changes. We worry if we are doing the right things. We wonder if you will like it or not. It’s scary, but we do know one thing for sure. We need to do this.
Usually, when you worry about something or have to make a hard choice, you already know the answer. Your gut tells you what is right. The problem is when you don’t listen. Ignoring that voice will only leave you feeling stuck.
As much as we love this blog (and we love it so much!) we were feeling stuck. We knew it was time to move forward. Forward to new beginnings. It’s as if we need a new coat of paint.
That being said, it does not mean that we are leaving the past behind. We want you to be a part of our journey. We want you there to experience this with us.
You may have noticed we haven’t been answering as many Dear Hope questions lately! We promise, we have a good reason!
Lots of changes. It’s scary. It’s overwhelming. But like the quote says, there is no growth without change.
We will definitely keep you updated on what’s happening. We are excited! Sooo excited!
Thank you for your fantastic support. You, as always, are amazing.
I think it sounds like a great idea. It will give you something to do and focus on during the summer. Especially since your friends will be away. Earning money is a bonus.
You will still have plenty of time to be “lazy” if you want. You can also meet new people at a job. You may even find someone you can hang out with this summer to get in some of that “fun”.
Go for it! Take on that summer job.
Thank you for being brave and sending in your question.
I am so sorry for your loss. I am sorry you had to start your year this way.
It is important for you to understand there is no right or wrong way for you to feel right now. Handling the loss of someone you love is incredibly hard.
Grief has no rules or timeline.
It has only been two months. Two months are not that long. It can take a long time to figure out a new way to live without him being there. It’s different for each person and how you grieve is different for each person. No one can completely understand how you feel. How you heal might look different from how others around you heal.
Grief can be messy and confusing.
Guilt, denial, anger, and happiness are parts of the grieving process. It’s normal to be happy one moment and overwhelmingly sad the next. It can change day-to-day or minute to minute. Don’t feel bad about how you feel. Allow yourself to experience these emotions. You are still learning how to cope with this and how to move forward.
When you’re having a hard moment, take a few deep breaths and try to redirect your thoughts. Think about happy times or treasured memories. If that feels like too much, try to focus on something else. Turn on a new song or flip through a magazine. I’m not trying to make it seem light, but sometimes it can help to distract yourself with something light and easy. Have distractions planned or ready.Find and do things you enjoy like painting, writing, or jogging. These types of activities can help you work through your emotions.
Stress like this can take a big toll on you. Please make sure you are eating and getting good rest. Concentrating on yourself and going about your daily routine can be very calming.
Don’t go through this alone.
I know you said there is no one that can help you but yourself. It’s true that your healing will be up to you. It will take place in your timing. HOWEVER, getting help can simply mean having support. It does not mean someone will fix you. It means you have others who are there for you.
You could join a support group. It can be comforting to share your feelings with people who have also experienced a loss.
I’m glad you reached out. Don’t be ashamed if you decide you do need help. Grief counselors are professionals that know how to help.
I’m so sorry. There are no words I can type that will tell you how to ease the pain. At some point, you will you start to notice that you have more good moments or less sad moments.
Allow yourself the time it takes, however long that is. You are in our thoughts.
Thank you for being brave and sending in your question.